How do we ensure that the person we are dating treats us with kindness, generosity and respect? We teach others how to treat us by our example. By treating ourselves with respect, we teach others to treat us respectfully as well. This means that it is important not to speak badly about ourselves or say self-deprecating things. Saying "I'm fat" hurts you and hurts your relationship. It is not that we always feel confident, but, by saying unkind things about ourselves, we feel badly and we invite others to think or say those things about us as well.